Negative things in Me

Shattering.. ..

I probably had a few disturbing days recently. I don't mind having to burn the midnight oil rushing my tutes or assignments, I don't mind either to be slumbering on messenger just to have a great lengthy chat with friends ...but, I hadn't been able to express myself in the best and ended up having couple of bad nights all by myself and I can't sleep through the pain. I have always been wondering if I'm born just this way or something is totally not right inside of me. I just cant fucking tell things can I.... and hence why I'm filling in my dead blog.

Everything is coming back to me and like how an old film works... all those bits and pieces have been rolling in my head like a black and white screen. I can't swallow them down and live on like things never happened.

It was miserable on and off and whats with this fucking guilt filling inside in me. I known a person for not too long and we started things as enthusiastically any two would be when things started building and then it all started shattering when things went wrong and exactly at that point of time, I wished I've never got to know this person - ever.

I'm sorry... so sorry.

It was equally hard for me to put it down and let it go... I promise things will be done with soon.

Friend in need is a Friend indeed

There it is - the soothing days and the two weeks worth of losing-grip-of-myself. Should have been more productive actually, but couldn't help to sense all those reposing vibes. It was awesome! =)

Being in the final semester, I am so hoping that the lecturers and my supervisor/advisor can be more than tolerant and less of a rigid pedagogue to our imminent, unprecedented behaviour. I can't really tell whats coming but this is what life is about and for every stretch of time, there is always a moment of truth. So about 17 years of education has brought me to this point - can I redeem myself somehow? I'm giving it all - a coup de grace effort. Why is it that I am still lacking of motivation? Diminishing self esteem... and lost.

Speaking of that, lets give credits to my dear compatriots. They've been the joy in my life and these people kept me going by riling up healthy competitions in the class. Looking back at those tonnes of times we had so much fun together actually brings back memories. Friends come and leave but buddies like them... they always click and cling! We're like sort of telepathically attached to each other most of the time, so much so, we are basically seeing through one another.

It has been very bumpy, hasn't it?

Once, we overthrew educator who seem to make senseless teaching in the class - we took turns doing weekly tutorial questions for the other to "reproduce" - having our own extra time out when we spot a broken record in the class - started calling names among ourselves, ok ....cute nicknames maybe - started a cultural society in the group to opposed crudity when we speak (it totally failed lol) - enjoy desert more than any other! - organize unanticipated trips which failed most of the time but we still loved them - gossiping is still the best-practiced hobby around .... !! God knows what you people are made of ....

Hmm...

I guess I really hate composing lengthy post...that I have to end it here. Sorry for the abrupt ending but gaahh its kinda late already.

Also, please continue to lend a helping hand to Japan in whatever method seemed convenient to you. Last but not least, I hope everyone had fun during Earth Hour - tell me you did your part!!!-

=)

Adieu and Goodnight!

Pray 4 Japan

People, the world needs help.

I've been really down these few days and having to watch those horrific footages from the news almost every night, it was really heart wrenching. Look, I dont know it this planet is at its limit or anything but all I know is if there bound to be a natural disaster happening, it will happen eventually and it will do without blinking its eyes. Scary as it sounded to be, but it seem that mother nature has got the upperhand now, which apparently furnished it the ability to strike so.

This time...the earthquake, tsunami, nuclear crisis...its uncannily fatal. Death toll has been practically rising every hour and all, but there's nothing we can do but to watch and dawned upon whats happened. Now, Japan had just experienced an epiphany, major reflection that is about to change how this whole world is going to look like years down the road..and we have no idea how much more damage is forthcoming.

I personally have no idea how true it is the conjecture about this planet - like you know, the 2012, 21st December. Then again, if thats going to happen, then it is going to happen and we should...we should be terrified.

For now, I have really seen and heard enough. I have my twitter updates from so many reliable sources, the newspapers and news footages on television. So eery and inexplicably shocking at times.

So, maybe for once (if its your first time), from the bottom of our hearts, we should put our hands together and all pray for the safety, wellness and strength for all the victims. It totally amazed me of how the Japanese handled the situation, you know. In fact, I was so impressed to see that they are being so mega co-operative and well behaved even when all of that that has happened. Even for a country accustomed to such catastrophe, they have been so much tougher that I'd imagine they'd be. The government had been very efficient as well... good to know that.

Well, imagined if it were to happen in Malaysia, we'd probably screwed up.

You see I've been very keen on the updates on whatever is going on Japan partly because there was a period of time, my life depended so much on them, my brother told me so too. When it happened, there were rumours that the author of the one piece manga is dead (lolx) and its not true of course, there were also other authors of mangas who have been claimed to have been swept away as well - those of which have not been legitimately confirmed. Then, we saw the legendary life-sized Gundam statue that has been hit and its now destroyed (heartbroken). Many of the Jrock concerts are put on hold...probably is going to take some time till they finally get down to a new settings...and bla bla bla.

Alright, none of that matter anymore.

Let's just hope for the best for Japan and everyone.

This is a some sort of sneak peak to what I am supplied every day every every day through twitter. I'd love to share if anyone of you are interested...=)

Of course then follow me on twitter.

Purgeee

So...its really complicated now. I mean I dont know what I'm gonna do and what I really want to do. Thats what life really is anyway, and somehow it really fascinates me with the decisions I'd end up with. Can't believe it myself.

Well, yeah holiday has already started and I know how precious it is for almost all of us. Not sure if anyone already partied over it, but as far as I'm concerned, I haven't, or rather I did party - with at least some entertaining English series. Of course, it hasn't taken me anywhere yet...not when I'm still troubled with the leftovers to deal with -yes yes, as much as I hate to say it, its my project.

Living life sometimes can be so miserable no? its as if we're living a character we're not.

uhmm ....I guess I get a little way sentimental again. opssies.

Wash up time =>

You got what it takes

So, we're almost done with Semester 1 of 3rd Year. Let's get this over with !!!

Yea, in like about 5 more months or so, we'll all be graduating...

What is it like after graduation..??

...so for now, its basically all about accumulating brain juices...for as long as a week!! and A Week only. Trust me, this semester was all devastating to begin with and now all that we can hope for is a good ending to it. We're either going to do it well or trash the whole examinations!

I'm sure I stated it pretty well.

Can I even work off limit?

*sigh*

I had a blunt conversation with a cousin another day and he was saying, " hey, what if the world ends in 2012?".

I was so upset by it then and said, " hurrrr, I lived for 22 years......and THAT IT?!?"

That was a very abrupt answer in my head then. lolx

Seeing things around me made me realized that I have not attain enough fulfillments in life and probably never once tried exerting myself to the extent where I can reap total satisfaction from. Life is short and brief....but that is not how I wanted to end it. If we can make the most out of our every day life, then there won't be one day that we'll live in regret.

How unfortunately, we see things in another perspective and all we're aware of are how trivial things get to be. Are we loved? Do we love?

When it all should ends, do these things weigh anything more than a dust....??

I can't be sure but we are living in a cold and ravenous world and somehow, we may even lose sight of the gleaming hope in midst of living.

But let's not lose it ...

ぼくは愛していた

Its a wonder how music has spurred my motivation and given me strong drive to move on - and as of now, I will be giving it all for my finals.

Yashiee!!!!

Post CNY

ooohh...I'm starting to lose my sight.

Happy New Year, Folks!!~ Yes we've hopped into the Year of Rabbit.

Wishing everyone Good Health and Prosperity!

I had great times with all my relatives and friends, really, and at least I tried to make the most out of the extremely short festive holiday. This is probably the most uneasy Chinese New Year that I've ever been through. Don't mind me...but I wasn't fully absorbed into the mood and worst of all, there is the investigation report that I had to finish before the Holiday ends (which spoils all the atmosphere!) ARSE!!!

I'm glad everything stays same, the tradition - the reunion - the faces - the warmth but not the diminishing amount of ang pows though. ;D (just jokin!) afterall its not how much money we receive during the festive, rather, its how long we get to be with each other. Look !!! CNY had just breezed through like nothing has ever happened!

Bleah....

So much for the good food and entertainments!

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Mummy never fails to remind me to eat properly...

I mean, I don't cook myself and usually would end to turn a blind eye to stuff like this because I always thought nobody would care, neither would I. Now that I've gotten a little health-conscious, I guess its time to take it more seriously.

So for dinner... this is what I had =D

The best Garden Salad!!

The best Cherry Tomatoes..!! They ooze the best juice ever lolx.

...and I got this as an extra. Love them to bits. Gonna have them some time tomorrow though. =D

Hmm, I should get Caesar Salad next, for a change!!!

It's a lovely night tonight...

Gotta go~

Yet another compilation!

So, that's it.

After 3 weeks' long of continuous work drives and brain-cracking moments, today marks the glorious day of all. lolx. At least, I'm through with the few most baffling assignments and trust me, its really strenuous to live up to the "God-like" kind of expectations and worst, to burn the mid night oils almost every day.

Now, I'm not at all a committed person to begin with, much less devoted to assignments. At time like this, my mother really does give up on me and ever mention that I am the species that exist to procrastinate. I didn't take it too hard but she may be true. =) Somehow, it has evidently been proven that my productivity level is at its highest when stress comes haunting. Although, I wouldn't guarantee the same level of quality but this is just how I work.........after proficiently working out on my schedule ahead of time just so I won't screw my work up then - time management it is. It's always the hardest to impose the starting point. It is just like the old saying, "when there is a will there is a way". I strongly believe so.

Anyway, there goes all 4 assignments in a week and 2 left. There is just this sensational rush in within which comes after the fulfillment of obligations.

What a joy~

It's weekend soon and Happy Thaipusam to those who celebrate the festive.

__________________+0+O+0+O+0+O+0+O+0+______________________

People nowadays are way too complex. They pour in too much of feelings and turn paranoia and uptight - much fragile to unintentional judgement. I, personally have low tolerance for such individuals. However, I wouldn't label them as immature, which has no whatsoever relation to my topic, rather...they are the cause to the act of stupidity.

How many times in your life do you find yourself trying immeasurably to explain yourself to a person who is NO freaking way, living in the same planet as you! They get upset so easily over silly statements and communicating with them is practically pointless that any further contact will cause you dehydration in the body and worst - deprivation of oxygen. Just so you see.

I am not saying that it is wrong to be defensive at times. However, over-defensive is aggravating and that is how stupidity comes about... and believe me that the next thing you witness may just be another suicidal case.

Please, think and act humanely...

well, at least human like me reap satisfaction from mere cheesecakes. ;)

Reminiscing old songs...

Goodbye!!

お誕生日おめでとうね~~ 葵さん !!~~!!!