Convey feelings across

今早一起，我头就开始痛了。最近不知道是不是天气转化的关系我都觉得身体不舒服，好像在发出日气一样。所以现在除了喝水还是喝水。

There is a  friend mine who told me that she thinks that I am very lucky that I'm able to spread my wings and settle in the largest island of the British Isle, and had hoped so much she could have done that as well. To be honest, I don't know how to respond to that. First of all, yes it is true that I am very fortunate and there is no way I could have denied that. However, no one really understand that a lot of changes took place right after my father's demised 3 years back. I do believe if my father is still around, I would have ended up with the alternative instead - most likely to get a job and start a career then, afterall I've already earned my degree. What happen then? My father's elder brother, also an uncle, decided that he should take over and  bear the responsibility of supporting us financially in education wise all through the end, which in his opinion is better off to have earned a Masters degree (most preferably in the UK) while we're still capable of continuing the conquest. Having said that, most people would get idea that I would prefer how everything has turned out to be right now - my father dead and I get to go study abroad, and sincerely I know where it all comes from really. It does pain me to get others to think that way.

I, for one, would have never asked for anything like that to happen even if there is likely no chances of continuing my Masters degree at all right from the start. I would wanted more than anything else for my father to live healthily and happily at least until the older live has taken a toll on him instead. Sadly, none of that is ever possible now that he's left us but I know that if there's anyone my father wants to see succeed - it would would be us, the three of us. Yes the idea of studying abroad has actually come as an opportunity, more like an option for me, which in another way of putting it, I had the liberty to actually say no to the offer. Yet, I taken it up much to my mother's dismay. My mum is someone who's never like to owe anyone a favor, much less a favor this big considering that I'll be fully under the financial care of my uncle once I'm away from home. So why did I insist? Of course, with my mum acting that way, I've had hell of a time struggling with my decision but the answer to that question is I want to know what I am made of inside. See I am not sure if I can explain everything in words - I want to know what I am capable of achieving, not necessarily a good result but more than that in life. The height of life is achieved through repeated self-transcendences. I would never be able to test it if I rushed into getting a job when I am not yet through getting perspectives as a student. I told myself I'd be strong and I love my mother for being so supportive now that I have made my decision.


很多朋友都好奇因此而问 为什么我满脸带着笑容从来都不生气也从来没烦恼一样的呢？我想问，哪个人会是那么幸福的呀？你们看见的是我应负烦恼的方式。我从来都不觉得带上一幅苦瓜脸会帮我减轻负担或会让我感觉好一些。I believe smile is contagious and I believe people do get stronger when they overcome hurdles wearing it. The smile - it doesn't mean you trying to hide something bad, it just meant that you're already over it.

很多时候，我隐藏在心里的悲哀是不适合跟别人分享的。Reason being that its not going to make me feel any better because it would be impossible for the other person to feel the same way as I have. So why bother saying it.

所以嘛，当自己不开心时就该要懂得怎样克服它。也许换个环境会对心情好一些。再换个角度去看事情会让你发现原来的问题并没有那么沉重。看每一件事情时可不要太极端。Every cloud has a silver lining.

Take care.